Helen, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for every time you told me you loved me and I never said it back.
I'm sorry for never letting you know how much I loved you and what you meant to me. Maybe it's clearer now why I had to leave. I never had a relationship as serious before.
I would never let anyone get close, and even while we were together I tried to hold you at arm's length. I never wanted to hurt you and was scared that one day I would... and I did.
When the subject of children came up I had to run. It became clear that I had taken things too far with you and if I didn't do it now, it would only get harder. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. It turned out to be even harder than coming out as transgender.
I'm sorry for never telling you. I very nearly did many times. Even early on. But at that point I had never told any one. I could never be a father. I never thought I would transition back then, but even so. I couldn't play that role. I couldn't even face the possibility.
I'm sorry to have wasted a year of your life. I've had some updates from your friends and I'm so happy to know that you have moved on, and how far you have come since I last saw you.
You deserve every success and happiness.
I'm sorry for being scared. I'm sorry for never loving you the way you deserved. I'm sorry that I can't let you know this.
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