I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you...

Nicholas... I am so sorry. I should never have looked into your personal stuff and I did. It was wrong, so very wrong.

I have hated myself since that day. I have tried to explain what happened but none of that matters only that I broke your trust. I made a huge mistake.

I have taken full responsibility for my lack of judgement. I have chastised myself daily--knowing that this entire mess is my responsibility. I hurt and cry every day knowing how much I hurt you and Carl--and on your wedding day--how could I have done that?

I have no answer. I wish I could explain it but I honestly have no answer. I love you with all my heart and every breath I take. Not a second has gone by during these past almost 2 months that I don't think about you and all the wonderful times we used to share, and then I get slapped by the realization and the pain that you don't want me to communicate with you.

I love you, I miss you. Life is not the same without you. I feel so broken inside. I broke your trust. I am a horrible mother, an awful person. Please know that I have always loved you and been honest with you. I never intended to hurt you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. My life is missing a piece--and that is you Nicholas.

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Isolated actions don't make you a bad person
by: Marina

Having been in a somewhat similar situation, I know how you are feeling.

What you did was obviously wrong but that doesn't make you a bad person or mother. It makes you human, just like everyone else, and we all make mistakes.

What's important now is how you handle yourself after the mistake--that's what shows the world and the people you love what kind of person you really are, not the mistake you made.

It does start with an apology, but goes way beyond that through your actions. You need to forgive yourself (but never forget) and move on from it. You need to stop focusing on how you feel now that you've lost a loved one's trust and think about how they feel and the void that is now in their life.

Your future actions need to always keep this in mind because although you are both facing similar losses in your life, only one of you, through a mistake and poor judgment, was the cause.

It will get better and things can be right again (it happened for me) If you always keep in mind their hurt and not yours.

Wishing you peace....

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