My Apologies JP

by Alexandra J.

Dear JP,

"Sometimes it lasts in love sometimes it hurts instead".... those song lyrics sum it up perfectly. I never loved anyone quite the way I loved you.

Our love was the purest love I had ever known. No one else could hold me in a room of crowded people and make me feel like we were the only ones there. I do not think I'll ever love anyone quite the way I loved you. No one can love someone the same way your first love can. I truly did love you and always will.

There will always be a part of my heart that will belong to you and no one else can have that part of my heart. Others may have my future but you will always have my past. Memories so pure I can still see them as if they were yesterday your dog tags the first time we made love.

Do you remember that night? Staying up all night just talking about everything and anything. I learned more about you in that hour than I did in our whole relationship.

Sitting in the bath tub our bodies our blankets from the bitter cold bite of winter. Small gestures are the gold gems of first love when you put your head on your lover’s chest simply to hear their heartbeat. The rhythm of their heart brings this overwhelming contentment.

Sitting on the park bench at Beresford Park wrapped up in your arms our hands intertwined in each other. Those nights felt like eternity. Nothing could bring us apart, frozen in time in eternal youth.

Love ends. It brings pain and suffering and it is a tragedy. In war we found ourselves. I saw the foundation we built crumble in our hands, the broken pieces too small to glue together.

You cannot cry because it is over, you have to smile because it happened.

We have grown-up. We are no longer kids nor are we the same individuals we were back then. Good memories we built together. No regrets, no mistakes, just lessons learnt.

If you asked me if I would do it all over again, I would with no hesitation, at the same point in time, in that situation with that person.

I wish you nothing but the best in life. I hope you fall in love with the right person. I hope you get you get your dream job and fly all around the world and see things I can only dream of in my head.

I hope you pursue all your dreams even the ones I protested like serving overseas (I just feared losing you. What an amazing dream that is, go for it JP.

I hope you retire to that beach and work in the postal office. Most importantly I just want you to be happy. I don’t know how to end this but it must end.

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