Never in another lifetime could I have imagined how drastically my life would change in such a minuscule amount of time. For once in my life, I can say that those changes make me the happy person I am to this day.
There was once a broken, lost, and wandering young soul who barely made it to their twentieth birthday. It was out of a dense fog of fear and insecurity that a piercing light, one of hope and faith, was brought forth into this person's life. This light, came in the form of a another being, a girl, a very beautiful girl.
Our paths collided and then parted. I will never regret it. I will never regret the moments we shared with each other. I will never regret all the arguments and fights we went through. I am forever thankful that you allowed me to experience a true relationship, a loving one, one that I will never forget.
However, it's the last words that I said to you, I will regret. They will haunt me to my grave because I had the audacity to get angry and frustrated with the person I loved so much.
I didn't understand, I'll admit it. I treated you exactly how I said I wouldn't, I went back on my promise. I said to you that your happiness was first and our relationship ship was second. I told you that if your happiness meant that our relationship had to end then so be it. And for that, I can't sleep at night because it haunts me knowing that I tore you down when you were most vulnerable.
I'm sorry for pushing it, bending it, breaking it. I'm sorry for pushing you to the limits. My inexperience and immaturity is not an excuse. You deserve someone who can treat you better, someone who can do so without putting a burden on you. I'm sorry for the things I said, all the stress I caused, the mess I've helped create.
You deserve so much more than that, than this. You're taking big steps in life right now and I can't let myself hold you back. If I want what is the best for you, I have to let you go. I understand now. Sure, I'm scared, but it will allow me to move forward in life as well. Thank you for helping me realize this.
You are the sweetest girl I've ever had the privilege of knowing. You helped others before you helped yourself. You guided others onto the paths that they needed to take. You helped change me from an immature young lad, to a slightly less immature young lad, who is finally aware that his decisions and feelings mean something.
I know all to well that there are some difficult, stressful, and depressing problems you're going through and I'm sorry that I couldn't see you all the way through, I tried, I really did, I wanted to understand but I only grasped the tip of it all. That isn't a bad thing though because I really cared.
Even though our relationship has ended, your friendship is something that I really didn't want to lose. Because... you are still my best friend..
I wasn't afraid of losing my girlfriend, I was afraid of losing the person that understood me the most. I was afraid of losing the person I understood the most. I was afraid of losing YOU as a person. The one that I can relate the best to.
It's true, I'll miss what we had, the moments we shared, the memories we made, the discoveries we uncovered. As much as I'll want it back, I now truly understand that if I want to make myself happy, I'll have to let you be happy in return, and I'm happy with that.
I want to thank you for every effort you made to help me experience the best of life. It was everything I could ever want and I am forever in your debt.
If anything, I want you to know that I will still be a shoulder to cry on because as confusing and as contradictory as this sounds, I do understand. I'm not going to let you be alone in this, never in my life time. If you ever need someone, I can be here for you. I want things to be right, relationship or not because I do care about you more than you could imagine.
This is one of my favorite quotes by Oscar Wilde;
Never love anybody that treats you like you’re ordinary" and you, Courtney made me feel extraordinary.