A Love That I Ruined ..

by JR

To 'N' (my love) ... I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for what happened between us. I miss you and I miss what we had so much and it hurts me to know that I hurt you. My mind constantly thinks about how much I miss you. How much I want you to come back, how every moment without you hurts more and how I just want everything to be the same again. The time we spent together were the happiest times in my life.

I was myself and I enjoyed your company a lot. It's something I'll never forget and I'll always cherish all those moments. I just wish it could've lasted forever.

I'm sorry for hurting you again, every time you decided to forgive me and give me another chance. I'm sorry for how I would always somehow mess up so badly and ruin everything for us. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me for everything that I have ever done to hurt you in any way.

I love you a lot. There are so many things that I miss about you, things that I can't let go of and will always admire about you. I really do love you with all my heart, no matter what I say or how I act. I will always love you.

The thought of losing you has always scared me and I guess that's why I got jealous so easily or why I was always so insecure about things. I wanted you to be happy, I always tried to make you happy. I did so much for you and my feelings for you were so crazy. But even after everything I have ever done for you, after everything I felt and still do feel, I lost you.

But I couldn't force a love that wasn't there even though I did try to sometimes. I do understand that the reason we aren't together anymore is my fault and I really do hate what I've done. I regret not listening to you, I really wish I didn't do all those things you asked me not to.

Sometimes I feel stupid for thinking that you'd really come back to me since you were the one that broke it off between us two.

How could I think that if you wanted me, you would have come back. But it's me who should have been chasing you, I should have been trying to prove to you that you were all that mattered to me. I should have said everything I needed to but I didn't know how to say it.

I'm not good with my words and you knew that. I should have tried harder to convince you that our love was important. If only I could have one last chance to be with you, it would be different.

It has been a difficult time for me, sometimes I'm okay and other times I remember how we ended and how much it hurt me.

I always look back at our photos because I enjoy the memories we have. I'll always remember every moment I spent with you because I loved being with you. You're my everything and I hope that one day I'll be yours again.

I love you with all my heart..

Yours truly..

– Jessica