Happy For Our Past. Sorry For Our Future.

by Stari

To Ajay, the guy I could never have and maybe never will.. I am sorry for any hurt I have caused you, I am sorry for anything I might have said. I didn't mean to hurt you in any way possible.

I wish we could go back to the way we were just for one day and if you don't feel anything after that night I will let you go, even if it kills me, I will smile. You were the best thing that has ever happened to me in a long time, you made my frown into something more, something big, something called a smile. :)

I know we couldn't tell each other what we really felt because of hurting one another but I do know, I did feel something for you, something I had never felt before, it felt amazing, incredible, I couldn't even breath. I just wanted to finally tell you how I feel then someone came along and broke it and I have never felt the feeling again.

To be honest I miss it and yes, you took me back 2 times already and still nothing. I can't feel it anymore. I miss feeling that feeling of being safe and comfortable in your arms.

But I just don't feel like I am anymore. I feel as though when you leave, your going behind my back and laughing at everything we do together. I guess (at least for me) our trust and that sense of security is gone.

I don't want to say this to you, but the next time you might be coming back for me, I'm not coming back to you. I won't be there. I will no longer be holding you. I will no longer be kissing you in the back of your commodore. I will have disappeared off of your radar, and that will be the day you will wish to yourself that you had never let me go.

I will miss you and our happy memories together but you can't go back to the past, no matter how hard you try. I do like you to the point where I love you, but what I want more is for you to be happy even if that means I'm not a part of your happiness.

Well goodbye and good luck to you...

Forever in my heart you will stay

From me Stari, aka Helen