A Christian Wife's Apology Letter

by K. Thomas. M
(New York)

My Dearest Husband, I wounded you... Permit me still to call you my husband. I think of you always as such.

I am not quite sure where to begin, but wherever I start I would like to preface everything by saying how deeply sorry I am for the way things have gone with our family...with our lives.

Today I stand in a place of revelation--revelation of exactly how significantly I contributed to the demise of our marriage relationship; how my words and actions wounded you, emasculated you, made you feel like less than; the emotional and physical pain I caused you.

The place from which I am writing this letter was not reached in a moment, a month, a few months or even a year.

It's been progressive. I have had help along the way. Some pastoral. Some self-acquired. The latest in my series of revelatory thoughts occurred this week.

It was after watching an 11 minute video clip on YouTube about marriage that everything came to a climax and I realized that I had single-handedly destroyed ours.

I wept bitterly. Bitterly.

How could I have acted in such ways? How could I have said the things I did? The condescension. The belittling. The self-righteousness.

I am a Christian wife. The bible commands me in Proverbs 31, where it gives qualities of the ideal woman, to do you, my husband, good and not evil all the days of my life.

Somehow I misinterpreted the scripture and did you evil instead of good almost all the days of our marriage.

This is not easy for me to admit, but as the Holy Spirit has encouraged me to write this letter, I just want to be as open and and as honest as possible with you.

Even though I have held onto my faith and my relationship with Christ throughout our marriage, there was nothing Christlike about the way I dealt with you.

I did not model the fruit of the spirit, which are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

I did not act with wisdom. According to Proverbs 14, a wise woman builds
her house, but in my folly, I tore mine down. I tore you down, I tore our marriage down, I tore our children down, I tore our family down. How could I? I keep asking myself.

Even if I felt pressure from taking care of things when I thought you should...even if you weren't doing all you could do to build and sustain our family...even if you weren't doing things fast enough according to my time table, did I have the right to act towards you as I did? Speak to you like I did?

A resounding NO! I did not have the right.

I want to blame many things for my behavior during our time together, but the God in me won't allow me to blame anything.

He's just having me take full responsibility for my actions.

My husband, I don't know how I got to this place. Truly. I don't know. I had wanted to be married, and I had looked forward to us growing as husband and wife and especially growing together as Christians.

I saw you then as my head, and I still do. That's what the bible teaches, and it is what I sincerely believe.

I always wanted you to lead. Many times I felt like I was leading our family and I resented that. I just wanted to be a woman and wife and mother and helpmate. I just wanted to be covered. You are my covering.

With you gone, I have no covering. Most days I feel empty and thoughtless. I feel lost like I don't know what to do.

I understand the current circumstances of our lives, but God is able. There is much more I can say, but I will stop here.

I do not write this to attempt to sway you one way or another, just to give you a little insight into my thoughts.

Thank you for loving our children. I know you want to do your best by them. God bless you in all your endeavors. Stop worrying. Start eating a little more :).

May the the Lord be with you,


Your wife

Comments for A Christian Wife's Apology Letter

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A husband and wife in pain.
by: Tyrone

This is an awesome letter I am a husband seeming to be going through a divorce because she told me she was going to get one.

A friend of mine works at a law office, she had actually called them but did not realize that it was my friend on the other end of the line. He called me on the weekend and asked me if I was okay. I never told him or anybody, and I knew at that moment she was for real.

Then she told me one day she wanted me to work on me... to hold a job, get my own place, and work on my Christian walk. This hurt me. The reason why is because I had always held a job. The situation between her and I when it came to problems was that I wanted to work them out but she does not talk about problems or wants to work them out in my opinion.

She will focus on me and the things that she chooses to talk about and never addresses the problems that we're having.

I use scripture and Hope through my actions with all holiness so she would receive me to her heart, but that doesn't ever happen. And over the course of 10 years it has been up and down with our conversations but never ever getting to talk about the problem and get to the root of it.

I truly believe that Satan has been influencing our emotions and feelings and always have after I came to Christ. My wife knows this but yet does not hold on to every word of God. She uses different scriptures and order to throw up a defense to what I'm talking about even if I present scripture to prove to her I'm not being fleshy.

I am a type of man that wants to work out the problems for the goodness of his family and most of all probably to God I'm going to follow his word and keep his word in my heart.

The situation when she does not want to work out problems has caused me to have anxiety problems and depression and that in turn has led to other health problems I now have. And my wife still acts in a way to me that is ungodly and I believe it's solely from some pain that she's held onto, or something she won't forgive me for that happened years and years and years ago.

I feel like God's placed me back in a place and I praise God for it because I'll accept anything from God. I really wish my wife would stop letting the Enemy Fight her. I wish that I could get a letter something like this for my wife because every word in it just brought me to tears because the letter sounds like something I would expect to get from her.

I really wish my wife would want to take counseling classes in order to save our marriage but this can only happen if she's willing to accept that she makes mistakes and does wrong, causes me pain and through pain people make bad decisions sometimes.

The heart never accepting my god in this world it has changed me, but I do not let it keep me down. I stay in my word and scripture to keep me built up. Since I've been gone I have repented of all my ways or anything I have done to disturb her because in my heart I I know Satan can take the smallest thing and make it seem so big to somebody else especially in our relationships.

She is a woman of God and I cannot understand how she allows the enemy to influence her emotions and feelings this much.

Please keep us in prayer may God be with all of us.

Plus if anybody has any recommendations of somebody I could talk to I would deeply deeply appreciate it. God bless you.

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