A Void Deeper than any Abyss - An apology for Bilal
My dearest, When you needed me to leap without fear, I waited, even hesitated. When you gave me understanding for my fears, I squandered that chance. When you only wanted me to learn the lesson of standing on my own two feet, I took it as your desertion of me and shunned you for it.
To love is the easy part of all relationships I think. It comes upon you naturally and without knowing.
Learning how to respect love, to cherish love, to let love in when your instinct says to protect yourself from being hurt again, well those are the true tests of love.
You loved me like that for over three years. I loved you like that only some of the time, yet I always claimed a self-righteous love that was more than yours could be.
I did not understand that kind of love. I had not seen or experienced that kind of love before.
Please forgive my ignorance and lack of trust. I have such regret and I only wish that the few opportunities I had to express it, I had done a better job.