I am deeply sorry for being an alcoholic for your entire childhood, all the way up to now when you are 15.
You are such a good, gentle, kind-hearted person, and you didn't deserve a mean, yelling, screaming, abusive father like me.
I don't know if you have noticed that I've quit drinking now. I haven't had any alcohol for 7 months. I want to somehow make everything up to you, to repair all the damage I've done.
I was so horrible, I don't blame you if you have a hard time forgiving me. I am trying hard to change, to be a person who isn't mean, but instead one who shows his love.
I wish I could go back in time, and have stopped drinking the moment you were born, so that I could have given you the loving home to grow up in that you deserved. All I can do is be a changed man from now on, and hope and pray that you won't think of me with bitterness and hatred, as you finish high school and then go out on your own.
I did horrible things. I threw dishes that smashed into the wall. I yelled and screamed at your mother all the time. When we moved into this new house last summer, I drank every night, and yelled and screamed every night. One night my yelling was so bad that you all were too afraid to sleep here, so you went to a hotel.
When I woke up in the morning, I felt such guilt and shame, and that was the day I stopped drinking. I never want to be that man again. I want to be a good man; a man like you.
I am so sorry, my only son, I love you so much.
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