An Apology to Everyone

It's about time I wrote this apology: I'm sorry for not being a good friend to the people who were there for me. I didn't even know how to be a good friend to myself.

I'm sorry to my siblings for not being there for you like I promised myself I would. I'm sorry to my boyfriend for not being consistent in my mood and love. I truly do love you.

I'm sorry to the people I led on because I felt inadequate. I'm sorry to the people I made feel important and then left their lives because I can't trust myself or anyone.

I'm sorry to my mom for the horrible person I allowed myself to become. When they say you hurt the people you love the most... omg is that true! I tried to hold on to the kindness and compassion. I really did but somewhere, somehow, it faded.

Deep inside I'm a sad, scared little boy, though I act like I don't give a f**k I do.

I feel shame, I feel alone and I feel love for everyone. I'm not a victim, I'm a jerk. I'm insecure, I'm lonely, and I don't believe I deserve goodness around me because I'm no good for others.

I put on a mask to protect myself and I'm trying to take it off. I want to be soft in my delivery to others. Sweet in approach, and valued as a person.

But at this point, I feel it's too late. I'm sorry you guys If I hurt you with my actions or words. I'm sorry for my wall being so high I can't even climb over it.
I hope you are all blessed, happy and reach your destiny. And if you hate me I understand because so do I...