Because I Hurt Him
On our first New Years together, I messed up...
I've been through a lot in my past. I was raped and abused multiple times. I thought I had gotten past it, but a few nights before new years I was felt up in a way I didn't appreciate and it brought back all those memories and feelings of weakness, helplessness, guilt, and inadequacy.
On New Years, my boyfriend and I had been drinking and talking about our past. With all those emotions still in my mind, I lost control of myself and I got jealous and angry. I took the feelings I had about others out on him. It was wrong because he's everything to me that no one has ever been.
I tried to explain how I felt and why, but he believes that the past is the past and that's where it should stay.
It's not that I disagree, but it isn't so easy.
I've made him his favorite cheesecake. I'm going to play The Good Stuff by Kenny Chesney and tell him that I don't want to miss out on the good stuff because of all the bad stuff I've been through. I've bought a hundred Bandaids to write I'm Sorry on because I hurt him and all I want is to make it better.