To the love of my life... For the past twenty three years you have been my rock, my love, my heart and soul.
Any woman could not be lucky enough to have you, unfortunately our journey has hit a divide that I caused. Hurting you was the last thing I thought I could ever do, and I never meant to do that.
I have a lack of trust that mentally and physically take over me and I can never and could never slow it down.
I have betrayed you and lied to you, no matter how big or small, a lie is a lie. I have caused you physical pain as well as so much emotional pain that no man should endure.
You have been there for me through every tough obstacle, every happy moment and every sad day, building my spirits, building my confidence and all I did was let you down.
I have lied about talking with others behind your back even though I told you I have stopped.
I have "emulated" your phone so I could find any piece of distrust only to end up finding nothing. I loaded spy Apps to track your comings and goings, all to lead to nothing except heartache and a mind that needs some help.
Never once was I unfaithful to you, I can't even imagine my life without you let alone another man.
I have hidden and deleted Apps on my phone just so you could not see how insecure and crazy I was.
You have gotten to the point where I am out of time. I remember things, like you said, in the moment, but not prior.
I'm not sure if it's my way of blocking my shamefulness or because I have done it so much I just block it out, out of habit.
I project blame on you and try to redirect, in an attempt to take the focus off of me.
You don't deserve my attitude, my lack of empathy, my heartlessness.
I lost you because of my stubbornness, not because I don't care. You and your boys are what keep me going everyday, you're all I think about.
To feel what I do inside for you, is the luckiest thing a woman could feel.
My apology could not be more sincere.
I don't want to lose you, and I want our journey to keep going. I want the world to know this happened because of my mistakes.
I never meant to take anything for granted.
I love you so much Corey and the world needs to know the man that you truly are... Kind, honest, loving, forgiving.