I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not listening to my instincts. I'm sorry for allowing this to happen, for becoming a doormat, for forgiving everything in the name of true love. It was my first true love, the One I had been waiting for, all my life. I was 25 and he was 27. Now I'm 30. I'm sorry it took years to realize what was really going on...
I'm sorry for loving "too much" by never nagging, for accepting the unacceptable, for giving him second, third, fourth, fifth chances...
I'm sorry for trying all on my own, for not expressing my confusion, for swallowing the pain, for hiding it out of fear of losing him. I'm sorry I did not know how to handle things, I'm sorry for not listening to friends. I "knew better", I "knew him--they didn't".
I'm sorry I did not take care of you as I should,
knowing you're a fairytale girl, I did not protect you against them. They were cruel to you and you were afraid so you forgave everything... The mistreatment, the disrespect, the criticism.
Never again, dear self.
It was a huge lesson, an extremely painful one, a hard decision the one I took.
Thank you for being brave enough to walk away and thank you for being strong enough to endure all the emotional abuse without breaking, look how far the lesson got us. ]
I'm sorry I did not respect me enough to walk after the betrayals, yet I expected respect from him and a recognition and appreciation that I was different. He spoke of egos but I was the only one suppressing the ego. Today I am so much wiser.
I'm sorry this still hurts so much, it'll probably hurt for a while but we'll be ok.
I can and I will forgive him in time. But first I need to forgive myself.
And this is my apology.