I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you...

Nicholas... I am so sorry. I should never have looked into your personal stuff and I did. It was wrong, so very wrong. I have hated myself since that day. I have tried to explain what happened but none of that matters only that I broke your trust. I made a huge mistake. I have taken full responsibility for my lack of judgement.

I have chastised myself daily--knowing that this entire mess is my responsibility. I hurt and cry every day knowing how much I hurt you and Carl--and on your wedding day--how could I have done that?

I have no answer. I wish I could explain it but I honestly have no answer. I love you with all my heart and every breath I take. Not a second has gone by during these past almost 2 months that I don't think about you and all the wonderful times we used to share, and then I get slapped by the realization and the pain that you don't want me to communicate with you.

I love you, I miss you. Life is not the same without you. I feel so broken inside. I broke your trust. I am a horrible mother, an awful person. Please know that I have always loved you and been honest with you. I never intended to hurt you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. My life is missing a piece--and that is you Nicholas.