I hurt you, my son.
I am so very sorry for doing that to you.

by Dad
(United States)

I hurt you with my words and actions as you were growing up. I took my pain out on you, and I have been beating myself up over that on a daily basis for the past 20 years.

I will not make any excuses for my behavior.

I was reckless with you, both in terms of taking out my life frustrations on you and putting you in unstable environments due to my life choices.

I treated you with cruelty when you were an innocent and helpless child. I threw you down on the bed and screamed at you for crying when you were a baby and a toddler. I know that was wrong. I know that was harmful to you. I tossed you up in the air and caught you while you cried, and I angrily screamed in your face as I did it.

It hurts my heart just to think about it. I went with whatever relationship came the easiest to me, and I dragged you along through all the drama and breakups that ensued throughout your childhood.

Before you punched me in the face that day in your teens, I pushed you to do it through my screaming and hatred.

You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve any of that.

You needed a father who was kind, gentle, forgiving, and understanding. You needed a father who lived by example.

I am sorry for not being that for you when you were a child.

I am trying to learn to be that now, because the past 20 years nearly ruined me. I’ll never do anything like that to you or anyone else again.

I’ve tried talking to you about it, but you don’t want to. I hope that you’ll one day forgive me, son.

I love you.