I Kinda Suck

by A.B.
(Wisconsin)

Ello!... I was in a tough period in my life when we first met and apologize for my behavior during that time. Although things haven't magically improved, I've learned to handle them better, at least for now.

I genuinely appreciate your kindness, empathy, and just how cool and supportive you’ve been.

I especially appreciated it when you answered my texts, helped me at that teen night, and offered to help with Leana’s gift. Even though I didn't share everything that was going on with me you still supported me. You're a truly good person.

I'm also sorry for not always being completely honest with you. I understand that it wasn't fair to you, and I'm truly sorry for that.

I hope you're open to the idea of giving our friendship a fresh start, despite my past mistakes.

About those stories I shared – some were mine, and others were borrowed from people I knew. I used their experiences to make my life seem more interesting without revealing the private details I preferred to keep to myself.

I see now that it was hurtful and deceptive, and I'm sorry for that.

I acknowledge that I have wasted your time, and I'm truly sorry for that. Today marks the anniversary of my 'best friend's death four years ago, she was in seventh grade and was an amazing human.

She wanted to set me up for success because my parents weren’t doing that. I'd like to become the person that she wasted some of her little time in life to try make me.

I hope you can understand and forgive me for my past actions. I know there is no excuse for what I’ve done; for a human I quite suck but I believe I can change.

I also want to say that I looked up to you in a way, that I can’t explain.

I feel safe with you, and though I can't quite put it into words right now, maybe I'll find a way to explain it better later. But because of you and my dead friend, Bailey, I’m actively working towards being a better human and friend.

I have been trying to achieve this by talking less because I understand it can be an annoyance and just opens the gates to lying, respecting people's boundaries like texting you less and at better times like you requested, and being more honest so I can be a trusted friend.

I know it’s cliché but I realize that honesty is the basis of relationships of all types, and like you said, 'it’s cliché for a reason.

I'm not asking for your pity, just your forgiveness and understanding.

I know this message might sound a bit strange and cringe, but I really needed to get this off my chest.

Thank you for taking the time to read it. It means a lot to me. I truly value the friendship and hope you allow me to repair it and we can move forward.

I miss being your “homeboy”. I hope you realize how deeply sorry I am.

You being able to forgive me means a lot and although I don’t deserve it, I hope it’s possible to lend your forgiveness to me.