I'm Sorry for Everything

I'm a bad person. Or am I? All I know is, I'm just as conflicted as all of you. Just as conflicted as all the people I have loved, will love and am not allowed to love.
I'm not mad about an ex girlfriend. I'm not mad about my parents not loving me, or each other, or themselves, or pretending to love all of us, even if they do.

I'm sorry for what I let myself become increasingly, grudgingly. I'm sorry for the hatred and insecurities that spread unlike any virus ever known. I'm sorry to have caught it and sorry to have passed it on. I'm sorry for being an asshole where I should have stayed nice and I'm sorry for being too nice to too many assholes.

I'm sorry for pretending to love my life, I'm sorry for not trying to create reasons to love it but to find and nitpick reasons to hate it.

I'm sorry for how this has aged my parents beyond what worries they, with their own hectic lives can handle.

I didn't have a childhood. I robbed them of their endearing years. I'm sorry for being such an idiot, even if you weren't good communicators.

I'm sorry I stayed in villainous silence for so long. I just saw, once I was the problem child bad enough I no longer considered my own opinion valid.

I'm sorry that lead me to becoming this.

I know I'm just 19 years old. But I know I have created some barriers around me along with those that were already around me that I don't think I'll be able to cross anytime soon. I might even have burnt enough bridges without properly learning how to build them first.

I'm sorry, Ma. I'm sorry, Pa. I'm sorry, neighbor who I don't care about(you always pass me a smile but I always ignore it - maybe I'm just lost in myself).

I'm sorry for the hopes I've ruined.

I'm sorry for the decay I've caused instead of the growth I could have striven for.

I love you, Ma. I love you, Pa. Even if you think I'm a problem child. I don't have the guts to say this to your face and take your love afterwards, because I don't know how I'm going to get out of my own mess.

I'm sorry for hiding all of it, I'm sorry for my secret addictions, I'm sorry I let you down.

I'll take back in action what I cannot in words.

Comments for I'm Sorry for Everything

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My thoughts exactly, I'm sorry for everything
by: Brad

Where do I start, well I guess from the beginning. The day I started talking, my life changed. Because I was talking to the one who I want to spend the rest of my life with. The day I asked you out was the best day of my life because I was with you. You make me so happy like nobody else ever has before.

You are the most amazing girl I have ever met. You are funny, beautiful, you are really nice and easy to talk to even though we fight a lot and you still love me afterwards.

I don't mean to do anything to hurt you or make you upset with me, I make stuff up a lot and make you upset a lot but to be honest I don't mean to do anything wrong.

It's just who I am. I don't know why I'm the way I am.

I hate when we fight. It makes me feel heartbroken but deep down I know you love me. I'm sorry for being annoying all the time and being clingy.

I know I need to work on these things and I promise I will.

I promise that I will make you happy. I know I say I'm sorry all the time but I understand why you want me to leave you alone.

I know I may not show that I care much but I really do care about you. You mean the world to me.

I know that you need your 'me' time. I'm still learning that. I'm learning slowly that you need your alone time but it's going to take me a while to fully understand it because it's something so foreign to me.

All I'm really trying to say is that I'm sorry for everything I have ever done wrong and that I love you more than words can describe. Please forgive me.

Lots of love Brad xoxoxox

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