Not a day goes by that I don't regret waiting too long to tell you that my feelings were hurt, only for them to come out in an awkward mess of a too late, unfortunate conversation with you.
Though I didn't deserve to be treated that way leading up to it, or a response of, "I'm sorry... What are you talking about?" when I very humbly put it all out there, I should have handled my emotions and further responses in a way that I wouldn't feel deeply ashamed of.
I tried my best to keep my words kind and honest, but I can see now how that may have been viewed as a random, insulting personal attack to someone with a lot going on.
The continued rejection has been the worst. Though my attempts to reach out and make amends with you continue to be disregarded, I pray that we may someday be blessed with a second chance to truly forgive, understand, and value one another again... as whatever we are intended to be, I just wish we could talk again and make light of this.
From the moment I saw you, I knew you would be special to me for a long time. I kept it to myself, keeping it coy throughout the evening, but as our time together went on and you treated me like someone you truly adored and intended to be there for, saying so many wonderful and kind things, I relaxed and thought I could let you know I really liked you, too.
It really hurt me that after that amazing night together that you begged me not to leave from, it took five days to hear from you. That you didn't acknowledge an invite to my upcoming birthday that I watched you charmingly put into your phone as though you intended to celebrate it with me.
When my sister told me you
were in the same store we were, with another girl, and that you recognized her and kept walking... I was devastated, but I also wasn't even sure it was you. I didn't want to get caught looking or have to see that, it was all I could do to not visibly shake, but my sister would never upset me with an assumption so I believed her and let it fuel my sadness that turned to angry resentment.
I also didn't take well to a friend thinking it would be beneficial to delete you from Facebook that you posted on often, which ended up being another embarrassment in itself feeling the need to mention that was not my style.
I need to forgive you, I need to forgive myself. Time and pretending that this never happened just isn't doing it for me. I would have laughed at myself and thought I was insane if I ever previously imagined someone I just spent one long evening with would impact me so deeply, but I learned that losing something you never really had can be just as painful as losing something that was rightfully yours, because of all the unknown and misunderstandings.
If you knew me more personally, you would know I am someone who is strong, loving, patient, and kind. I'm sorry I didn't handle things from that approach, or at least didn't once I heard something that hurt me even further.
I'm so sorry I didn't pray more, think more, give more time to what boldly telling you how I felt and removing you from my life would feel like in the long run. I hope you can find the forgiveness in your heart to someday realize that I am worthy of acknowledgment and compassion, and that I am truly sorry if I hurt your feelings.
It would mean the world to me to hear the same from you. It's never too late.