I'm Sorry Tiger Lily

by Failed you
(Ontario)

Fat ass, repulsive, not worth your time are just a few of the final words spoken to me. Scary thing is you're right. Four years off and on laughs, jokes, smiles and frowns, and unfortunately many years. One thing I never said was... I remember you told me something very early on, how you wanted to give your son a sibling.

I tried my hardest and when we reconnected after a while and you said you couldn't have anymore kids, I felt like I failed you.

And for me I wanted a second chance at being the father I believe I can and could be. And that was one of the major reasons we were disconnected and for that I sincerely apologize.

I know you wanted full transparency but I couldn't find the way to say it.

You probably are happier now than you ever could be with me. You say you felt like you held me back. You didn't.

I kept you back to a level I didn't understand.  

People asked why we kept getting back together and the only thing I could say was she was gorgeous, kind, caring, and special.  

I keep replaying Jan 12th in my head asking did I make the right decision?

And three weeks later I still don't know.  

I lost the only person in my 45 year old life that I wanted to grow old with, marry, and be in love with.  

One decision cost me that plus much, much more—any self respect I had is gone, now there is none.  

Life had been interesting ride before you. Things always just happened and I didn't care about anything except my addiction. 

You brought my life to a mountain top. I wanted to scream to the world I'm in love words I didn't know were real. 

The feeling of knowing you were such a influential part of me. Introducing me to my M.H issues. I want to say thank you. 

I know you meant what you said in your final message but I will still be standing at the stop waiting for the bus. Because nobody in this world could compare to the standard of love and care you showed me. 

I have a lot of regrets over words and actions but one regret I wish I never had was not having the courage to show you as much care and love as you blessed me with.  

I don't deserve forgiveness for the words I've spoken or my childish actions.

No matter what, the first thing I will do every morning is think to myself how much I love her then pray you are ok. 

And the last thing I will do is thank the creator for blessing me with you and pray for your protection.

LOVE YOU FOREVER
God bless niche