My First Apology Letter to My Lost Love
Hi Sabina...With lots of courage, I am filling this white sheet of paper with purple ink as to let you know that there are not enough words to describe what your good-bye has left me with. Sabi, I know you will probably never see this, but if you were to one day see this I want you to know the truth.
A single letter can't describe what I wanted to tell you but this is the last effort I can make and this is first letter I've ever written to someone.
I really didn't want to hurt you but something went wrong every time. Since the day I realized I did something very bad to you, it seems like broken glass has struck my heart and I'm helpless to take it out everyday. I lost your love, care and any respect I might have had, and the truth is that I know the way in which you treat me is what I deserve.
If told honestly than it was one of the happiest day of my life when I knew you, when I got you. Today I'm telling you the fact, the truth that separated us, that took you away from me with such hate and sin.
I still remember that day when I sent you a request unknowingly and you accepted it. I started talking to you.. The way you talk and behave, the way you care and love was very impressive to me. I was fascinated by you. You came in my life as a magician with magic wand that made me feel " yes, I too can fall in love. There's someone who loves me".
I felt as if I found someone with whom I can share my feelings, with whom I can be close, the one I can trust. Yes, it was you. I'm telling the truth. I thought of you as one with whom I can spend my whole life, take you to my home, hold your hand and tell my parents and the whole world, "yes ! I love her. She is beautiful and she's mine".
If you remember in those days, you just had a single pic in your FB. After looking at that specific picture of yours and looking at your attitude, unknowingly I was attracted to you. I started loving you so I proposed to you. And when you accepted me, I was surprised. I couldn't believe what has happened. I was no less than a miracle.
I was confused "what made the girl like you to accept my proposal without a single meet?" If you remember that night, although I was drunk, every word I told to you was true in itself. Yes, I loved you. My family, some friends and you. Those were entities of my small world and was enough indeed.
And the day came when you uploaded a new pic in your FB. But this time it was a new face. It weren't you. I was completely shocked. I couldn't really believe that it was you. It wasn't the same face and the same girl with whom I shared my feelings, it wasn't the same girl whom I loved.
I proposed to you just by seeing your single photo and it wasn't the same girl in the second picture. I realized as if you were just a character whom I loved that doesn't have a physical existence. I still don't know who it was but I swear it wasn't you.
I still remember she was a lady with glasses. She might be your friend or relatives. I even asked you who was it and you told me that It was you. So on the basis of those two pics, I made a foolish and rubbish decision that the lady with glasses is kidding me, teasing me and playing with me. I felt as if she just used your picture & was playing with my feelings and emotions was just passing her time.
And you know she was not the one whom I loved, so I started misbehaving and ignoring you completely, in this way time separated us. And the day came when you added yet another picture. It was similar to the first one. Then I realized what I did. What the hell I did to my life. Then I realized how you would have felt when I behaved you like that. At that instant, I knew everything has been messed up due to my ignorance. But believe me Sabina, it happened unknowingly.
If I would knew that it was you, I promise I would never have done that and why should I??
You have the complete right to think it as you did and I deserve the way you reacted. But up to when???
I told you I'm sorry and begged you for a forgiveness but u didn't. Then I remembered your love, your care and you. You know what, a person only misses the one when they really miss them, they have no way to talk to them again. I regret nothing more in life than what I have done to you.
When our relationship began, I promised to myself that I would make you happy. I failed. I failed both of us.
You started ignoring me completely. No calls, No text and FB blocked. What could I do? I tried to move on, I tried to forget you but can't. I can't find another way to communicate with you so I made a new id, added your friends first and then I added you. If you've noticed me carefully, you could have caught me but you didn't. It was my luck to meet you once and say sorry so today I was there.
I looked in your eyes today and realized what I had done, when I showed you my card. You didn't need to say anything, anyway, because I saw it all in your eyes. In that moment, you felt and looked at me with such a shame that I can't express. It made it difficult for me to look in the mirror and I'm not proud of the man I see there when I do.
I have no excuse for what happened and saying "I'm sorry" seems as drama now..I know those three words won’t erase all of my actions; they are simply meant to apologize for the hurt that I have caused.
I am sorry for what I have done and for how I have treated you. I know that I cannot make it up to you, because a wrong can never be erased. I know that you are angry with me still. I know I have said things that have hurt your feelings. I am adult enough to know that I cannot take back the things I said, nor can I ever change the way I made you feel.
I have no words how to beg forgiveness from you. I'm sure that you've suffered greatly because of me, and asking for forgiveness is so much to ask from you. I also know that you might find it hard to believe. I am so sorry for all the humiliation I have caused. I know what I did is unforgivable but please blame it on me for my ignorance, and forgive me once.
I'm sorry that once again I made you feel as if I didn't care about your feelings. I'm truly sorry for hurting you and making you feel like our relationship was a mistake. I'm sorry for making you believe you had no life .My intention was never to make you suffer. I have no right to say be mine again. I just want to confess, I did something very bad to you unknowingly.
So, I'm begging you please forgive me from your heart. I am not telling you to be mine again. If you don't want to be even my friend then I'll not force you. But at least don't hate me like this. This is what I want. You too know we'll die someday and I don't want to die with this burden that someday I did something bad to one who really don't deserve it.
What I really want to say is that I’m sorry, I know that you will find someone who will love you and treat you right, he'll make you happy and that person won’t hurt you like I did.
At last but not the least "Hoping someday you will understand how special you are to me." I tried to make things right but you seem set on moving on and away from me.
All I can say is I love you with every bit of my heart, forever and ever.
Kindly, this was all that I wanted to tell you. If you still find me guilty than I've no words to say but just don't hate me like this. Not just me don't hate anyone like this. You are good, kind hearted and self-confident girl and you deserve the best.
May god gift you all the happiness you want. May he the lord fulfill your every wishes and put success in every step of your life. May your magic spread like this forever. Those are my wishes to you. God bless you always. bye !