This is to all the people I've hurt... Last night I put the bottle down,looked in the mirror and thought "What have I become?" "This is not the real Lizette","When where and how did I turn into this monster?!"
A couple of nights ago I spent an hour crying in the bathtub alone going crazy because I just had no idea why EVERYONE at school hated me, why they called me a skank, a whore, a rat.
Those words hurt me like a jabbing knife then I got out cried my self to sleep wondering if I have EVER made anyone feel like this--like the whole world is against them like they have nothing to live for, like they're NEVER good enough.
My answer was yes. Yes, I have indeed hurt people. I just don't know to what extreme the hurt got to.. . and honestly I don't know if I'll ever find the answer to that.
But, if anyone is reading this and has been bullied don't you ever let those bullies get to you! You're better than that and let me tell you I might not know you but your one of a kind no matter what anyone says, not even me.
It hurts knowing I've made people think like that about themselves and I just won't ever be able to forgive myself for that. I'm sorry.. Lizzy
An Apology To Lance
On the off chance you read this, I need to make one thing perfectly clear: I am an ass.
You terrify me on so many levels. You are charming, funny, intelligent, generous, and forgiving.
I know we said we were only going to be friends with benefits, but you became more than that.
My regret is I caused issues when there were none. I pushed our friendship to a cold place. My expectation and fear led me to say and do things that were uncalled for. All I can say is I am aware of my non-filtered verbalizations, and I am working on making things better.
I miss knowing things are cool between us. I miss the laughter and joking in the middle of our "times". I miss being able to relax, but that is my issue to fix.
I hope that you will find it possible to forgive, and we can go back to being each others complicated distraction...
Nearly a year has gone by, and I am not ready for it to be done.