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Thinking About an Apology.

by Ed
(Methuen, MA USA)

I started a shop a few years ago in a city and building that I wasn`t really familiar with. I basically would keep to myself and never want to be a bother to anyone there--especially being new to the area.

I just wanted to restart my business and slowly get to know the area and the neighbors that I would be seeing in the near future. There were a couple of people down the hall that were from the area and they were also starting a business. I think they came in about the same time as I did.

Our relationship got off on the wrong foot and that was the last thing I wanted to happen. Anyway when I encountered the women in the hall without ever talking to her, I said hello to her and she gave me a glaring response by saying "yea, hi" and turned away. At that time I felt humiliated. Then I felt angry and didn't let it go. I never once thought about the fact that she might have been having a tough day or something might have been going on. Why would I care? I didn`t even know her except seeing her a couple of times before that.

I took it personal and as time went on we would sometimes encounter each other. One day while I was with somebody I literally snubbed her in front of the person I was with and really didn`t think much about it. I didn`t feel like I won or got something over on her, I basically embarrassed her because I felt injured. When we encountered each other again, we made eye contact and I realized that she flinched and she looked very nervous as she walked by. I never wanted to put any fear into her or make her unbearably nervous when she sees me.

It became very uncomfortable to face each other. There was always something I wanted to say because I know that she wasn`t that bad. She was just doing what she had to do. We never spoke to each other for the two years that I was in that building and I would go a different way into the building because I felt that if we encountered each other again that she would be fearful.

When I left that building to get a bigger shop, I always wanted to apologize someway because I know I`m not mean. I felt angry at the time and I knew I hurt her. Whatever way it would go, it would be a burden lifted to apologize because it would be genuine.

It would be appreciated if I can get advice on how to go about this or any opinions.


Comments for Thinking About an Apology.

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A sincere apology
by: Anonymous

This one about the woman who won't talk to another woman in the same building is easy. Next time you see the woman, reach out and offer her a handshake. Make sure your regret, remorse, (whatever you wish to call it) is written all over your face. If she does not accept your hand you will know that you did the right thing and regained your integrity. It's just faster and more appropriate to fix things than to let them marinate.

A Simple Approach
by: The Perfect Apology Team

One simple approach would be to email the woman or drop a note in her mailbox) with a link to your letter here on the site. It does a really good job of explaining things and conveys a serious and genuine effort to resolve the issue through an apology. The fact that you posted it to the "perfect apology" site in itself illustrates that you're trying to get advice on how to do things the right way and that you care enough to do something.

Another approach you could take is to re-write the letter you submitted here (with only a few modifications) as an apology letter, and email or send it to her. Whether or not she responds is irrelevant--the letter/email conveys your sentiments and you should feel good about having said something and the efforts you have made to correct the situation.

Apologies can work very well without receiving an acknowledgment. In fact you should stress in the letter that a reply is NOT required.

We hope this helps.

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