To My Missed Soulmate I'm Sorry

Dear Cat...I apologize for how cowardly I was, for how I strung you along. I never meant to reel you in or toy with your emotions. I loved you then and I love you still, and you will always have a piece of my heart, as long as it still beats.

I'm sorry that I couldn't leave her for you. I wanted to so badly.

I'm sorry that I was so dense, that I was so down on myself, that I never understood you had feelings for me too, not until it was too late.

I'm sorry that I let you put so much faith into me, and I wasn't able to reward it. I'm sorry that I expected you to reciprocate my emotions for you but couldn't articulate what those emotions were.

I'm sorry that when I finally did tell you I loved you I saw your reaction and took it back instead of standing on my principles.

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough then to just be honest to you, and I wish every day I could change that.

I'm sorry that our friends wanted to keep us apart, and that I didn't have the courage to tell them to leave us alone, at least not all at once.

I'm sorry that I didn't realize we were meant to be until we'd gone our separate ways. And I'm sorry that I still hold on to hope that somehow you'll come back.

I know it isn't fair to you, but I can't help it.

There are nights, like the one when I'm writing this, where I am a slave to my feelings for you. There are nights, like this one, where I can't function because of what we shared and because of my feelings for you. And I'm sorry for the feelings I know that still causes you. I'm sorry for all of it.

I know you'll never see this, and I'm sorry for that too.

Wherever you are, whatever you do, you will always have someone in your corner.