We Are All Human
Pelon... There are not enough words to describe what your good-bye has left me with. This morning, I looked on your side of the closet, to realize that you took a lot of your belongings. I wish you would have told me face to face that you were leaving and not via E-mail. I think that after 13 years and two children, it was the least you could have done.
I know there is no way to justify my behavior. You say I am arrogant and selfish. Looking deep inside of me, I realize you are probably right. But, you are also full of defects, we all are. With your military life, I've had to hold the fort and maintain serenity in our home, all on my own. I wish you knew how difficult and heartbreaking your good-byes have been. But I stood by your side, rain or shine, faithful to the best of my abilities. We have beautiful children, great jobs, and a bright future. Why now?
I know that when you are upset you call me "crazy". Perhaps I am not crazy, but I have severe depression, and my illness is something you avoid talking about. You need to know that this is a real illness and that inside of me, there are a million thoughts and monster battling every day of my life. Just to get up every day is a struggle. I wish you were more understanding of what depression means. Not everyone is a strong as you, not everyone is militarized.
Again, I am sorry if I hurt you or your family in any way, I promise you, it was never my intention. I promised I would not ever bother you again, and I plan to keep that promise. Believe it or not, I wish you happiness and success. Thank you for all the years we spent together. You should know that slowly, I am healing and solving the grand puzzle of my future life.
There is nothing I want more than to wake-up one day, with the biggest smile on my face, look in the mirror and realize that everything will be OK. I'd hope that when that day came, you would be standing right besides me, holding my hand. Realizing that your biggest fear has become a reality is tough. My biggest fear was losing you, I guess nightmares do come true.
Love Always, Rosalinda