Christian, I know the last thing you want to hear right now is an apology from me but I want you to know that I am dead serious.
I shouldn't have been the one mingling and intervening in your business when it isn't my business, even when I'm asked to.
Every time I apologise you don't believe me because you know I will do it again which I won't deny, but this time I know I hurt you and many other people which I feel terrible about.
I ruined relationships and I possibly ruined a test result.
You don't like me and I don't blame you. I don't like me either right now because of the things I have done and said.
I don't deserve you as a brother, and sometimes when I treat you badly, you ignore that and treat me well in return.
I have lied to you and I have betrayed you and taken someone else’s side over yours which I regret. I have treated you badly and went behind your back.
I found out the hard way that being stupid gets you nowhere.
I know apologies mean nothing to you right now because it cannot change the past. Something that does mean something to you though is if I do not stick my nose in your business and mess it all up.
I know I am not perfect but I will promise you this: I will NOT come between you and anyone else ever again.
When I do that, I get nothing out of it and the outcome is hurting people, nothing more.
I was undoubtedly dumb, wrong, and I didn't think of anything else that this might lead to. We might not ever have a relationship with that family again and it's mostly my fault. I am so deeply sorry which is so hard to believe and I understand why.
I don't know how to apologise without you thinking that I'm lying.
Something that is also bothering me is that I have broken your trust, I have gone and stepped on it repeatedly and it is so hard to repair.
Trust is earned and I have gone and took yours for granted.
I didn't realise at that moment that it isn't as easy to gain your trust back as gaining a participation trophy.
I have to work hard for it like it's a first prize medal, and I will work hard for it as your trust is extremely important to me.
I understand that you feel this way about me currently which I will respect and I will, without a doubt, give you time to recover from this incident. But in the end I expect you to forgive me, over time, as holding a grudge can be unhealthy towards your mental health and it causes a lot more damage than you think it will.
And I am not telling you to forgive me at once or within the next week, I am respecting that you need time and I will give you as much time as you need as long as you do not hurt yourself by holding in this anger.
I have lots of compassion for you right now and I need you to know that I swear on my entire life that I do feel terrible and I am so extremely sorry that it causes a big pang in my chest when I rethink about what I have done to you.
Not immediately, as you understandably need some time to think about it.
But whenever you are ready, I need you to sign this letter and put it on my desk whenever you have chosen to make peace with me. So I would appreciate it if you did not throw away this letter because it includes my promise and my apology and my confession of being a bad sister. I am sure you would like to keep this and enjoy it while it lasts.
One last thing: I want you to know that no matter what you have done to hurt me in the past, I am forgiving you now because you deserve it and I have taken you for granted many times.
And no matter what I will always deeply care about you because you are my brother, and even though sometimes I don't like you, it doesn't mean that I don't deeply love you.
I do not always admit that, so please keep in mind that I must feel terrible to be able to admit this to you.